Imagine an unsuspecting single friend swiping away on Hinge or Tinder, spotting a familiar face, realizing they've caught your partner on a dating app, and almost dropping their phone. They quickly send a screenshot of their profile your way, and just like that, you learn your relationship isn't as solid as it seemed.

'When you first find your partner on a dating platform, thoughts automatically start racing through your head, and you can’t help but think of the worst possible scenarios,' Maria Sullivan, a dating expert and vice president of Dating.com, tells Bustle.

‘If you find your partner’s profile on a dating app and if you have a particularly strong emotional reaction, wait until your emotions have reduced before you approach the topic, try not to. Whilst browsing facebook I came across this website www.fittersingles.com. It was easy to use and I now have met someone that I train with all the time.

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Stephanie, 27, didn't want to wait to process those feelings. When her best friend informed her that she'd found Stephanie's partner on a dating app, she immediately decided to confirm her worst suspicions. 'I logged into her account and messaged him as her for a little bit and then asked if we could text,' she says. 'I wanted to make sure it really was him instead of just someone using his picture.'

Experts say the discovery of a partner's dating profile is most often met with shock and disbelief, followed by suspicion. And while some scenarios can, in fact, be the result of a case of identity theft or an account that has deactivated, for Stephanie, her fears were confirmed. 'He shared his number, and sure enough, it was my then boyfriend’s phone number,' she recalls. 'It was gut-wrenching. We had dated for almost two years, and I had no inclination that anything was wrong or that I shouldn’t trust him.'

It can take a while to establish a sense of mutual trust in your relationship, Sullivan says — but this kind of breach can be a major setback.

For Melissa, 26, catching her partner on a dating app burst her seemingly idyllic relationship's bubble. She was living with her partner, and they had met each other's families and were planning for the future. But one day, when he was showing her something on his computer, a notification from Tinder popped up. Melissa's partner responded by panicking.

'What really bothered me was that he looked like a perfect boyfriend,' she says. 'He spent his free time, holidays, and weekends with me, but was still scouting potential flings on his phone.' When someone's online activity directly contradicts their IRL persona, it can be easy to feel deceived or 'played.' Genevieve, 27, experienced a similar beguilement when her coworker found her partner while swiping through an app. 'I genuinely never imagined that he could or would have entertained the thought of cheating on me, let alone sought out that opportunity on a dating app,' she says. 'This is going to sound wildly dramatic, but it was one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life. It felt like such a breach of trust, and a boundary crossed.'

According to Sullivan, swiping through a dating app while in a relationship is a form of micro-cheating, or smaller breaches of trust that could lead to infidelity down the line. Even if your partner isn't using their dating app account to cheat on you, keeping it a secret implies lapse in honesty and communication. Additionally, using an account to 'look around' can indicate a lack of commitment to your relationship.

There's only one way to know for sure: By opening up a dialogue with your partner about what you've seen and how it makes you feel. If your partner gets angry when you try to start a conversation or outright tries to deny what you're alleging, Sullivan says you may have cause for concern. Your partner may be attempting to gaslight you by deflecting the blame and making you feel like you're the one at fault.

Their partner's dating profile was more than just a swipe at their confidence — it was a permanent breach of their trust.

'[My boyfriend] said that he was letting a friend use his account, but couldn’t come up with a good explanation as to why his friend would be sharing my boyfriend’s phone number,' Stephanie says. 'He then got mad at me for 'snooping and stalking' because that’s what manipulative people do when they’re caught.' Similarly, Genevieve's partner declined her phone call when she tried to reach out for answers and later claimed his profile was old. 'None of it was true, of course, but the reasons and timing hardly mattered at that point,' she says.

If you catch your partner on a dating app, Sullivan suggests first and foremost taking a few deep breaths to clear your head and center your thoughts. When you've taken space for yourself to check in with how you're feeling and thinking, communicate that process to your partner. 'Starting off with a conversation between you and your partner is the first step,' Sullivan says, 'and if they don't respond well to it, then it might be time to take it to couples therapy.'

Of course, if your partner is acting in a way that feels manipulative, or you can't rebuild what's been broken, it's always OK to walk away. Genevieve and Stephanie called it quits right then and there, and Melissa ended her relationship a year later. For all three, their partner's dating profile was more than just a swipe at their confidence — it was a permanent breach of their trust.

Expert:

Maria Sullivan, dating expert and vice president of Dating.com

The convenience of dating apps and the massive amount of people you can meet on them have changed the dating game forever. But with all the good dating apps can do, they can also make life hella complicated. Say, for instance, you're going about your happily coupled-up life when you discover your partner is still on a dating app, even though they're in a relationship with you. ~Record scratch.~ You're probably wondering what the person you believed to be very much off the market is doing swiping left and right. In a case like this, Eric Resnick, a professional dating profile writer and online dating coach, tells Elite Daily you shouldn't panic. Studies have shown that a significant portion of young people use dating apps as a distraction or confidence boost, rather than to actually meet someone. Your partner popping up on Hinge could just be a result of their desire for external validation.

Nevertheless, get to the bottom of things and ask your partner why they're still on a dating app when they're clearly in a relationship with you. Here's how the experts suggest approaching this oh-so-modern and not uncommon dating issue.

What Your Partner's Dating Profile Means For Your Relationship

When you first discover your partner on a dating app, whether you find out through a friend who found them or a spontaneous swiping spree of your own, it’s important to keep an open mind and not jump to the worst conclusions. As Julie Spira, online dating expert and author of Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships tells Elite Daily, there may be a handful of reasons why they're popping up.

“[It could be that] they deleted their profile from their phone but didn't deactivate it,” she says. “This falls into the category of digital housekeeping. Not everyone knows exactly how to permanently delete a dating profile. I've even seen profiles of people who were happily married who had no idea their profile was still lingering on a dating app. If this is the case, your partner should download the app again, and together, change the settings to delete the dating app, instead of just removing it,” she explains.

It could also be what Resnick suggested: They're just looking at profiles with no intention of engaging. But Spira says this behavior could be a bad sign when it comes to the ongoing health of your relationship. “This activity probably means they're questioning your relationship, [or] wondering who else is out there,” she explains. “This is a form of emotional cheating, but it isn't the end of the world. If this is the case, it's time to communicate about what your partner likes about your relationship and address areas that could be improved.”

If your partner is 'actively matching, chatting, and meeting others behind your back,” Spira says this can be considered cheating 'unless you've agreed to an open relationship.” Ultimately, there's only one way to determine which of these scenarios you’re dealing with: Talk to them about it.

Now What?

How you approach the issue will depend largely on the nature of your relationship. “Are you still in that getting-to-know-you phase, or have you become exclusive?' Resnick asks. 'If it's the former, just let it be. You haven't committed to each other and what they do isn't your business.” If it still bothers you, Resnick says you may want more from the relationship, and it may be time to talk to the person you're dating about where you stand. “If you decide that it's time to go exclusive, then you can ask if they are still on any dating sites,' he suggests. 'It is not uncommon for people in a relationship to ceremonially delete their dating accounts together.”

If you're already exclusive and find your partner's profile is still active, Diana Dorell intuitive dating coach and author ofThe Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again, says having an honest conversation about what you found is important. “Decide what you want to do about it. If you want to keep the relationship, then a calm, cool approach is best,” she tells Elite Daily.

One tactic all the experts say to avoid is catfishing. Don’t make a fake profile just to try messaging your partner and seeing if they respond. “No one wants to be with a partner who's a stalker, and before you start accusing your steady beau of cheating, you should try to find out what's going on,” says Spira. “Know that if you create a fake profile to catch them in the act, you can kiss your relationship goodbye.”

How To Approach Your Partner.

Once you've taken a deep breath and feel ready to talk to your partner, Dorell suggests considering what you want to achieve with the conversation so you can be intentional in your approach. “Decide what it is you want. Is it to feel heard? For them to admit it so you don't feel crazy? To break up?' She says before making any sort of accusations, gather evidence. Screenshots or their open dating app profile work here.

How To Check If Partner Is On Dating Sites

Spira says to be direct. “If you've agreed to be exclusive, and you've both taken down your profiles, I recommend you say the following: ‘My friend [insert name] was swiping right on Tinder, and somehow she got matched with you.’ Then show your partner the screenshot, and button your lips, because it's time to listen to the explanation,' she says.

Dorell agrees it's essential to give your partner plenty of space to respond. “Pay attention to your intuition. You'll know if they are lying because your body will tell you,' she explains. 'Your job in this conversation is to get to the truth and that's something you'll know within you. Then, you can decide what you want to do next.”

Ultimately, it will be up to you and your partner to determine what happens next. Maybe they'll log in, delete their profile once and for all, and you can proceed as you were. On the other hand, you might decide to go your separate ways and move on. The key is to trust your intuition and do what feels right for you.

Found Partner On Dating Site Video

“If you find out your partner has a second life on a dating app, know that you're not alone,' says Spira. 'It takes a few minutes to create or reactivate a dating profile, and if you're not their one-and-only, about 50 million plus other singles are waiting to meet you.” Hang in there, you've got this.